Naruto Chatroom Craziness
by lina kazamike
Summary: This is the Naruto characters in a chatroom. Uh...Excusegirl9000 is me because that's my yahoo name so...randomness and hilarity ensues.
1. Starting It Off

A/N: Okay, this one WILL have bad things in it so...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

ChatTopic: Worst Things To Say During Sex

Ramenboy: I am trying to find something worse than "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!"...sooooooo any ideas?

SharinganUser250: "...Uh I think just shit a little." "I think the condomn broke 10 mins ago"

LazyShika: LOL...or how about "oh by the way I have genetal herpes!"

PinkSakura01: "I did it for the child support." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!"

PuppyLUV: "um...i think i'm gay" "You weren't as good as your mom." "I went and got tested for AIDS. It came back positive. I LOVE YOU BABY!"

Ramenboy: "This is way better than it is with my wife."

PinkSakura01: Screaming "yes" like the guy from date movie.

LazyShika: Or like Fred Fred Burger from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

Excusegirl9000: ROTFL!!! An awkward one "WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!"

PinkSakura01: EWWW!!!

Excusegirl9000: It's YOUR fault for going INTO this chat!!!

SharinganUser250: "Mr. Barky VonShnauzzer" a random one.

JOCKLEE: "Dear god did you shove a knife up there?!?!"

PuppyLUV: "DAMN THAT WAS A GOOD SANDWICH!"

Excusegirl9000: WTF KIBA?!?! XD "Ohhh Yeah! This is so going on youtube!"

JOCKLEE: The worst thing to say right before having sex is "Aww... it's so cute!"

Certified-Psycho: "I'm gonna but my pud in yer poot chute" "honey...I used to be a woman"

CopyNinjaKakashi: Me and my friends actually found this old sex book and it had like a top 20 list of turn-of things to NOT say during sex, they where like "What are you doing?" ... um... cant think of any from that list.

LazyShika: Here ya go...All the ones I came up with...

1) is it in?

2) that's it?

3) you've got to be kidding me.

4) (phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you?

5) do i have to pay for this?

6) do i have to call you tomorrow?

7) oh momma, momma!

8) oh dadda, dadda!

9) you look better in the dark.

10) this is much better than my last girl/boyfriend.

11) i thought that goes in the other hole...

12) don't tell my husband/wife.

13) you have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it).

14) this sucks.

15) can you finish now? i have a meeting...

16) i hope you don't expect a raise for this...

17) i think you might get the job for this.

18) damn! is that all you know what to do.

19) did i tell you, i have herpes?

20) now we must get married.

21) hurry up, the games about to start.

22) i'm hungry.

23) i'm thirsty.

24) zzzzzzzzzzzz.

25) are you trying to be funny?

26) can i have a ride home after this?

27) are those real?

28) by the way, i want to break up.

29) is that smell coming from you?

30) haven't you ever done this before?

31) wow!! i've never seen those before (then grope wildly).

32) do you know what some female spiders do after sex?

33) you're so much like your sister...

34) your mom's cute.

35) what's your name again?

36) do i have to be here in the morning?

37) a second time? i barely stayed awake the first time!

38) but you just started!!

39) you're about as good as a 9 year old, and i should know!!

40) don't touch that!!

41) can we order a pizza?

42) i think my dad is listening at the door.

43) smile for the camera, honey!!!

44) take off that damn monkey glove!!

45) get your hand out of there!!

46) i think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

47) i knew you wore a padded bra!!

48) cover me boys, i'm going in!!!

49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!

50) Fire one!

51) God, that is small!!

52) hold on, let me change the channel...

53) who smells like fish?

54) is it o.k. if my mom (and/or dad) joins in?

55) your best-friend does it much better.

56) hope you don't mind i left my boots on.

57) hurry up, the motor's runnin'.

58) you're fogging up the wind-sheild.

59) can i borrow 5 bucks?

60) what the hell noise was that?!

61) stop moaning, you sound so stupid.

62) shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)

63) you know, you're not really attractive.

64) i'm sorry, i was not listening.

65) what, oh yea, i love you too, now let me concentrate!!

66) stop interrupting me!!

67) i have to take a shit.

68) did i leave the iron on?

69) your breath is funky.

70) (start singing Green Day).

71) is it o.k. if i call someone, its o.k. though, keep going...

72) its ok honey, i can imagine that its bigger.

73) god i wish you were a real woman.

74) why can't you ever shave your legs?

75) by the way, when i drove over here, i ran over your dog...

76) oh susan, susan... i mean donna... shit.

77) your breast milk is like my mom's...

78) you're hairy!!

79) your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.

80) is it o.k. if i never see you again?

81) did i forget to tell you i got worms from my cat?

82) don't make that face at me!

83) all of a sudden i have a headache.

84) you're boring.

85) i like your tits.

86) suck my dick, bitch.

87) how much do i owe you?

88) How come we each have a penis?

89) of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'l kill me!

90) your ass is hairy (the guy says this).

91) just use your finger, its bigger.

92) does your family have to watch?

93) we'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.

94) get off me, i'll do it myself!!!!

95) can you hold this sandwhich for me?

96) you're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.

97) the only reason i'm doing this is because i'm drunk.

98) my mom taught me this...

99) how cute... peach fuzz!

100) Damn girl! my tits are bigger than your's!

101) should i ask why you're bleeding?

102) this is my pet rat, larry...

103) if you can't do it, i'll find someone else who can!

104) i haven't had this much sex since i was a hooker!

105) i was once a woman...

106) wanna see me take out my glass eye?

107) no i don't love your mind, i can't grab that!!

108) is it o.k. if i tell my friends about this?

109) i'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!

110) you wanted me to use a condom?

111) you're no better than my brother!!

112) mooooo!!

113) Fire in the hole!!!

114) i wanna see how many quaters i can fit in there.

115) hurry up, i'm late for a date.

116) o.k. start...oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE??!!

117) you ever see basic instinct?

118) i'm out of condoms, can i use a sock?

119) don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.

120) Did i tell you where my cold sore came from?

121) you got boogies showing.

122) (start reciting the 10 commandments).

123) i think i just shit on your bed.

124) of course i don't love you.

125) let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t.

PleasantlyPlump: Jeeze Shikamaru...Kill a mood...

MasterOfPuppets: WHEE!! Perverted chat!

FanGurl: SHADDAP.

SharinganUser250: "Sorry. I can't keep this up. I'm gay."

MasterOfPuppets: "Sorry. I can't keep this up. I'm straight." XD

FanGurl: "How old are you again?"

Excusegirl9000: "How did I get here?"

JACKSMACK: This chat has been reported for explict content.

RamenBoy: GODDAMMITSONOFABITCH!!!!!!!!!

A/N: Sorry if you didn't like that but that was based off of a true story. And yes the whole fic is in a chatroom.


	2. Added To The Mix Pt1

A/N: I'm on a roll...This chapter is made out of many different chats.

Topic: Volcanic Erection

LazyShika: So today in my French class our teacher wanted to say "A volcanic eruption killed almost 21243534 people" but she said erection instead of eruption. In front of the whole class.

RamenBoy: That must've been some erection.

SharinganUser250: Maybe she really meant it...

PinkSakura01: Well, seems your friend's teacher had something on her mind.

Excusegirl9000: ROTFL!! Lawls. That's actually pretty funny. I had a French teacher who couldn't speak English all that good. One day these kids were climbing trees in front of the class, and he shouted "Stop doing monkeys in the trees!" Everyone laughed. He got really pissed, though...

JOCKLEE: That's funny. One time one of my friends was in a science class, and the answer to a question was, "Organism." She yelled out "ORGASM!" really really loud.

Which I'm sure all of us do at some point

Certified-Psycho: In 1st Grade when I was asked by a teacher to name this one state I called it "South Vagina" when it was "South Virginia" and my teacher said, "South VIRGINIA. You don't want to go to that other place; it's a nasty area." He was a guy, also.

MasterOfPuppets: My spanish teacher can't speak english well and this once when everybody was banging on the desks she screamed, "STOP THAT DANCING!!!"

PuppyLUV: Volcanic erection, sounds like a nickname for an STD to me.

Excusegirl9000: yeah in the past 6 months I've probable heard that one 5 times. Never gets old. Also once my friend who's half Japanese said something in Japanese right? I don't remember what she said, just that it ended in "ong" and the teacher walked by and said "I'm wearing a thong??" And the whole class laughed.

JOCKLEE: Who wouldn't laugh?

PleasantlyPlump: Exactly!!

RaInClOuDsEpHiRoTh: Reported.

RamenBoy: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THAT BAD THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RaInClOuDsEpHiRoTh: It still contains explicit content.

(A/N:Okay now onto the Akatsuki's PERSONAL chatroom...)

Topic: General Discussion

Ahihcu Ihcati: Hello all.

"InsertNameHere": Hello.

Ahihcu Ihcati: You're here too leader?

"InsertNameHere": Yes.

Deidei'sGurl: Yo.

Kaikai'sBoi: Hey Kaikai. Itachi. Leader.

TOBITHECOOLDUDE: AND ME.

Deidei'sGurl: MUST you type in all CAPS Tobi???

TOBITHECOOLDUDE: YES I HAVE TO, OTHERWISE I'LL GO CRAZY.

Kaikai'sBoi: I thought you already had that acomplished. Guess not.

TOBITHECOOLDUDE: OH SHUT UP DEIDARA!!! I'M NOT INSANE!!!!

Ahihcu Ihcati: Today, I was drinking chocolate milk, like the bag kind. That is already chocolated, or whatever. And as I'm pouring it from the bag, Kisame comes in and starts asking me where I got it, all grossed out and panicing. I say that someone else must've bought it, because I hadn't been out yet today. Anyways he goes on about how the milk companies put chocolate in bloody milk and sell it so that that milk doesn't go to waste.

VeNuSfLyTrAp: Ew.

Deidei'sGurl: Yeah well, there's this freaky bird outside my window, making this really weird sound. It sounds like its dying, or like, mechanical. I just thought it'd be nice to let you guys know what there is outside my window.

"InsertNameHere": Two words mmkay? Scene kids. You've had to at least seen this once, I mean they're everywhere. Well they're pissing me off! Saying how hardcore and raw they are...What's so hardcore or raw that they do? I mean really, I don't think when their corporate parents leave their suburban homes and their little underage alchoholic with a group of friends is raw to the max. I'm also frustrated by how original they think they are for saying they're tough shit.

VeNuSfLyTrAp: Scene's look better than "Emos!" You can actually see their faces!

Kaikai'sBoi: Oh, and a PLANT looking guy is better?!

Deidei'sGurl: I hate scene kids so badly... they are SO full of themselves. Being hardcore is a state of mind. There are many wannabees who attempt to show off their badass demeanour but they usually wind up failing big time. If you have to tell somebody that you're hardcore, you're not hardcore. I like emos better than scenes. We only have 2 scene kids in our town, and they're both assholes. And all the emos are nice. Probably just a coincidence, but you never know...Sadly, I DO know kids like that. They piss me off. One of them got mad at me for my rants on TheOtaku about them. That was a fun little discussion on how I didn't know what I was talking about and how I "can't say that." Good times, good times.

Ahihcu Ihcati: A lot of things get on my nerves. Kaiekae's school is on the list. First of all that school is completely affiliated with religion. They make the school choir sing religious songs. The principal talks about religion on the intercom. Also every guest appearance to that school is religious. There is never a month that I don't hear about god. I don't hate god in general I just hate the affiliation with the school. A few days ago it had a Christian rap session we got out of class for. Of course I was thankful to be out of class. The music I could of did with out. Rap wasn't a big deal either because I am minority in taste and majority gets it's way any way. Other things that make me mad is when I wake up in the morning with no milk or cereal. My dog runs in my room and eats my stuff time to time. My door needs to be fixed because of this. Some of my teachers get me mad for various reasons. You know. The works.

"InsertNameHere": You type too much Itachi...Has anyone ever noticed how when we hear a song from the 80's, we just sort of listen to it and say "I love this song". But Often times, when we hear a song from 3-4 years ago, we go "Ew, that song's old". For Instance..."Big Pimpin'" By Jay Z. If you were to hear that song you would go "Wow...old song". But it's only a few years old. And another thing I noticed...alot of Rap Songs die within a few months...but most Rock Songs last for Years and Years...

Deidei'sGurl: Yeah, but I never say that about songs that aren't that old. I just listen to old music in particular. And rock songs last longer because they aren't about pimps, hos, and being trapped within a closet for twelve whole parts. And it's also because rock kicks ass, and rap's just annoying. But that's because the music from the 80's was good. The music from 3-4 years ago was just barely tolerable then.

Kaikai'sBoi: And this is because, rap sucks. Remember people, Rap is crap.

VeNuSfLyTrAp: Yeah, and thrash is trash too!!

Deidei'sGurl: Wow...You guys are really going at it today...

TOBITHECOOLDUDE: BRITNEY SPEARS MAKES STUPID MUSIC. EVEN IF IT ISN'T THAT OLD...IT STILL SUCKS...

Deidei'sGurl: SO TRUE!!! OMFG!!!

A/N: Okay...This one had a lot of stuff in it and yet it's still a little short...blah...R&R.


	3. Attention!

Well, thanks to a certain someone named Sasukefanx12 I have quit for a while. Kudos to you Sasukefanx12! You didn't realize how badly you hurt my feelings just because I was trying to set an example for other people. I didn't edit that chapter, and left all of the evidence up, so if you are to be convicted of crime, then I will go down too.

For those who want to know EXACTLY what made me quit, it's this letter I received from Sasukefanx12 (I used copypasta):

Hey, I figured I'd send this 2 u in a masg since its not actually a  
reveiw,  
its more of a counter complaint.  
1. If u got a problem with my oppinions, thats too god damn bad, deal  
wit it,  
talk to me privatly, like i'm doin 2 u, i got my oppinion u got urs  
2. Do you have any friggen idea wut no pun intended means? because yes,  
im  
very well aware that was a pun, but at the time wen i was typing it, i  
didn't  
realize it was a pun, i just said holy shinigami cause i was sick of  
sayin  
holy god all the time, so i figured i'd mix it up a bit, i went back  
and  
reread my reveiw b4 i submitted it and found i made a pun, so i put "no  
pun  
intended" there, so there for, my pun wasn't intended. think of all  
your  
possibillitys b4 making accusations.  
3.This goes back to #1, I thought the story was strange, if u cant  
handle  
that, thats too friggen bad 4 u, i dont give a rats ass. I thought it  
was  
strange so i said it.  
4.The whole shirt thing, quite honestly, I think Ryuk is wearing more  
of a  
robe/cloak than a shirt, I could b wrong, but 2 me thats wut it looked  
like,  
just like Rem, it dosn't rly look like clothes, just how shinigami  
naturally  
look.  
5.This rly got my goat. I DONT GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK STRANGE  
MEANS! IF  
YOU WANNA TAKE IT AS A GOD DAMN INSULT THATS FINE AND DANDY WITH ME!  
BUT I  
SPACIFICLY SAID NOT BAD, SO IF YOU WANNA GO MAKE UP YOUR OWN DICTIONARY  
AND  
SAy STRANGE IS BAD, FINE WITH ME, BUT IN THE ENGLISH DICTIONARY,  
STRANGE IS  
STRANGE, ITS NOT GOOD OR BAD! I'M NOT GUNNA ALTER MY WAY OF SPEECH JUST  
TO  
MAKE AN ASSMONKEY LIKE YOU HAPPY!  
6. Next, Nobody else had a problem wit the way i type, so dont say "if  
u type  
liek dis, nobody will know what you're trying to say because we set our  
standards pretty high on a site for READING" Because in actuallity, its  
just  
you who dosn't know wut I'm sayin, so just say "I cant understand you"  
not  
"Nobody knows what your saying" because the 2nd one's not true. Also,  
get ur  
head outta the 18th century, notthat many ppl speak formaly anymore,  
especally  
on the internet, so suck it up and plaz come back 2 the 21st century.  
Like i  
said b4, nobody has 2 alter their way of speech 4 u, majority rules,  
and the  
majority of ppl on the internet, type somewhat like i do.Ok, Now that i'm done touching apon that, I'm just goin to say this;  
You r a  
gay retarded jerk who is extreemly selfcenterd, you expect others 2  
chane 4 u,  
that wont happen, in short, your an assmonkey. If you want 2 report me  
or do  
w/e for an offencive letter, voicing my oppinion, ect. and get my  
account  
banned, thats fine and dandy with me, i rly dont give a shit. youre a  
good  
writer,BUT that dosn't mean u get to act like jerk (Yes, i know i'm  
bein a  
jerk 2, and I rly dont care, because i have no good or bad rep sayin  
that i  
shouldn't b, or anything holding me back, wen some1 reveiws ur story,  
its  
thier oppinion, if you dont like their oppinion, close off reveiws from  
ur  
storys or just dont read em) 


End file.
